Google to Communicate with the Dead (beta)


Now that Google has mapped the world and is starting on the universe, its next step is to roll out a program to communicate with the dead.

It’s not known when Google Dead will actually go live.

We’ve always liked to stay one step ahead,” a Google spokesperson said. “We feel it’s a bit confining to limit the Google experience to people who are breathing. When you consider all the souls that have passed through here, live people comprise a very small minority. Just take a look at the life experience in terms of eternity,” the spokesperson pointed out. “It really changes your perspective. Limiting yourself to the living is an exercise small thinking.”

The Google spokesperson continued, saying that the “era of the medium is dead, as it were.

“Mediums and psychics have had a lock on communication with spirits for way too long. It’s so outdated. Plus, going through a medium leaves room for mistakes and often loose translations. “The spirit is going through another person’s brain,” Google spokesman said. “That is so inefficient.”

The Google spokesperson was, in keeping with the Google philosophy, tight-lipped on how the communication would work. “Obviously we’ll be using some quantum physics . And once we tie up some loose ends in the string theory, we think we’ll have it.”

Spiritual communication bloggers speculate that Google has created a server which actually vibrates at a level high enough to slide into the fourth dimension, fifth dimension and even The Fifth Dimension.

Next: Google Dead & Higher Ed

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2 responses to “Google to Communicate with the Dead (beta)

  1. Best. Headline. Ever!

  2. Thanks, Pam. You made my whole day!

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