My mistake: people in the Securities and Exchange Commission are not crime fighting nerds.
I pictured them as being interested in numbers and abstract stuff. I saw them as being paid to oversee the money world and feel a sense of victory when they catch bad guys.
Whoops. They couldn’t catch evil-doers because as the financial world imploded, they were watching porn — up to eight hours a day!
This is marathon. Most guys have a limit of maybe 10 minutes or a half hour before biology and a good hand ends the game of solitaire.
These guys are the Terminators of the online video sex world.
And it’s not just men. One female SEC employee attempted to board porn sites 1,800 times in a two-week period and had 600 said images on her computer. That’s a lot of flavors, lady.
I’ve been around some, as you have. We know that there are only two sexes, a fairly finite number of positions and always (if you’re healthy) the same conclusion. What drives a man to visit sites 16,000 times in a month? (Save your calculator: in a five day work week, that’s 64 times a day. No wonder he loved his job.)
These people make Tiger Woods look like a little wannabe.
In terms of what these men and women cost us, these are the most expensive porn videos in the history of mankind.
In terms of marketing, I want total transparency. Get them in front of some microphones. Was it good for them? How did they do it for eight hours? The Viagra marketing folks would love to know. Seems that being up for more than four hours is not a reason to call your doctor.
The female SEC addicts should also have some insights to share with other women. They obviously know where the real stimulus is.
At least give us some tips on the best sites. Maybe do some ratings based on their extensive experience. Give us something for all the money we paid them to inhabit the adult world’s nether regions.
I want the employees to come out, talk about their obsessions and explain what drove them to diddle while Rome burned.
(Note: Research for this post was pretty involved as I followed links to a huge variety of sites. I can tell you definitely that the adult X world has a full commitment diversity. This ABC report on the adult world moving toward women is pretty revealing. You can follow their links into a vast universe of ooohs, aaahs, and other monosyllabic dialog. Get it all with just a few gentle strokes . . . on your keypad.)
Anyway, SEC maniacs, start revealing!